What do we do with Valentine’s Day? We all come at it from different perspectives - from young hearts to seasoned hearts to broken hearts. Then - singles and couples. All stirred up with commercial interests driving crazy expectations (which differ between men and women - I never realized I wanted beef jerky flowers till now - they are a thing). So - cutting the hype - how do we actually celebrate it well?
For a small minority of young couples in the early stages of romance, Valentine’s Day feels as natural and easy as breathing. If this blissful season is yours - enjoy it! For the majority - who’ve loved long enough for the infatuation to burn off and romantic love has developed from instinct to discipline - and for some to heartbreak - Valentine’s day is still for us, and EVEN MORE SO, but not in the way the commercials suggest. There is a more satisfying opportunity here for us.
Regardless of your experience with love, my hope for us all on Valentine’s Day and every day is to give and receive and experience real love more fully, more deeply, more richly, more completely than any commercial (falsely) promises. That opportunity is in the origin, the language, and the truth about Valentine’s - and love itself.
THE ORIGIN
Valentine’s Day is named for St Valentine, a Christian martyr. In one story, third century Roman Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than married men who became homesick for wives and families, and so he forbade young men to marry. In protest, the priest Valentine secretly married young couples. Sadly, Valentine was discovered, imprisoned and executed. So, while Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, its origin is a different kind of love, a sacrificial love. Which points us to a bigger picture of love…
THE LANGUAGE
The English language uses the word “love” indiscriminately as a generic term for everything: we love movies, cotton candy, fishing, reading, our spouses and our children with the same word. Not so in the ancient Hellenistic world of Valentine. Greek has four words for love, each with its own rich meaning: storge or common love, phileo or brotherly love, eros or romantic love, and agape or divine love. We have storge for our favorite jeans or music or store. We have phileo for friends. We have eros for our spouse (btw it’s bigger than physical love - also translated as “passionate longing for”). We have agape for God and all people, as God does too, “For God so agape’d the world that He gave…” So why would we limit the meaning of love on Valentine’s to romance? People - be free...
THE TRUTH
The lie is this - if you have someone to “love” you romantically, that's what matters.
The truth is this - you are infinitely loved by the Creator of the universe, and that's what really matters. He loved you by giving His life for you (like Valentine did back in the day…) to give you life. And out of the fullness of God loving us, we receive His love and love Him back, and out of that overflow we love others - all with agape and storge, friends with phileo, and your spouse (for those called to marriage) with eros. This broad, diversified, for-all love is so much better than the one-dimensional candy-coated version!
True love, sacrificial love, enduring love is better than infatuation. And true love includes but goes far beyond romance, and embraces even the broken-hearted. The central event of human history is a sacrificial love story where life comes from death: the Son of God gave himself in death for us, that we might live as sons and daughters of God. And that same agape was the origin of Valentine’s, which we can remember and is worth celebrating in many ways…
BETTER VALENTINE’S THIS YEAR
This year on Valentine’s, we can all remember and celebrate love. First, remember God’s giving love for us, and celebrate the sacrificial love of Christ for us. And in each of our individual lives, God loves us a million more ways big and small - seeing us in our solitude, comforting us in our pain, hearing us in our longing, encouraging us through our struggles, and so many more.
Further, Valentine’s reminds us to turn God’s agape for us outward and love others as He has loved us. Married or single, don’t buy the hype that being romanced is all that matters - remember love is so much bigger! Offer storge (common love) to those around you - and thank a clerk for serving you or a local shop for providing for the community. Show some storge to Florence, and buy a book at Jack’s Books downtown. Offer phileo to your friends and see them and tell them how much you appreciate them. Offer agape to those who need unconditional, unwavering love - perhaps to forgive or encourage or see or thank someone who is unseen or taken for granted and could use a blessing in the spirit of Christ’s love for us.
For those who are married, imitate God by taking special vigilance to lean in and romance your spouse with the generosity and sacrifice and delight that He takes in us, His people, His bride. Make the effort of sacrificial love to plan something of eros that your spouse will think is romantic and delightful as your gift to them. God’s love is a giving love, so remember that what is true on Valentine’s Day is true on every day - even (and perhaps especially) with eros it is better to give than to receive, for this is the example of love that God gave us: For God so loved the world that He gave…
So, it’s time - plan now how you might celebrate not a hallmark but a historical Valentine’s Day - storge, phileo, agape for our community and friends, and eros for our spouse. Let’s fill our communities and homes with modern expressions of an ancient and true love this Valentine’s Day. “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another…” (John 13:35)
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